I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
