you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
