new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
