I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
