Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
