just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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