I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
