i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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