Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
