I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
