FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
