i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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