what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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