i jhust puked up my retainher.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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