He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
