I need to stop coming to work sober
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
