Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I woke up under a house in Key West
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