Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize