I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
