i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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