reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize