He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Text me some of your sweat
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
