I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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