can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
