I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
