Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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