I didn't shave. On purpose
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
