Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize