I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
