She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
