Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
the raccoons are back...
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