CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my shit smells like andre
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
