I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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