I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
