if i can run in heels then i can drive
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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