Soap is not a condiment
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
