Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
