so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
