hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
