We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
whose ass print is on the piano?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
