hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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