I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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