Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize