See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
