Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
