why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
