She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
