it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
