The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
