Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
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