My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
