so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
