i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
