Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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