And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My dick has a subreddit
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
