if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
