dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
it glows. i had to have it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
