why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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