ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
