well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
