My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
