put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize