Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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