New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
