I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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