what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
