there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
