im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
