bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
