im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she peed on how many people?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
