Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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