Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
