His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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