I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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