hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dicks are not precious.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
