This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
