I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
