I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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