Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
