Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
